I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
