The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
being pregnant is like rehab
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize