I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
