He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
