tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
