I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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