Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
