I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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