R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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