Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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