I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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