I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
