I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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