she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize