You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
