I wish i was in the wii world.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
