i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
