Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
