WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
