im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He kissed a someone with a penis
how do flat chested girls get laid?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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