mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
