Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
