Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The struggles of a small town man whore
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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