Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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