the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
