Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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