i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
