Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
