you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
