You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize