Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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