I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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