Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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