I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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