It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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