Four minutes until I can fart!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
