I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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