So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
