but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
