hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
