Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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