This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize