don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
