Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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