I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
