either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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