What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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