If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
