You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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