i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
