Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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