I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
