What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
