don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
