oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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