your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
