this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
