y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
