You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
