What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
