There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
even my farts smell like vagina
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
