after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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