You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
