i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
