wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
