So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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