WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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