Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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