Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize