I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
