Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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