I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
