don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dicks are not precious.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
