apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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