She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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