I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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