I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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