so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
