do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
