He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
