when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
