It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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