So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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