hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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