Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
