If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
