did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
