I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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