No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize