fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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