the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
