I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize