Duck Duck Cougar?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
