Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
